To hear you knocking at my door
by long-neon-nights
Summary: After it all goes down, and Klaus leaves, he doesn't say goodbye. It bothers Caroline more than it should, but she gets it. He's in love with her, and despite all of the horrible things he's done, the people he has killed, the times he's hurt her, she doesn't hate him. Not even close. And if leaving without saying goodbye is what he needed to do, then she can respect that.
1. Chapter 1

After it all goes down, and Klaus leaves, he doesn't say goodbye. It bothers Caroline more than it should, but she gets it. He's in love with her, and despite all of the horrible things he's done, the people he has killed, the times he's hurt her, she doesn't hate him. Not even close. And if leaving without saying goodbye is what he needed to do, then she can respect that. It's better, in a way. She's not sure what they would say to each other or how a goodbye scene would go.

Graduation is just around the corner, and his words from the decade dance echo back at her as she lays awake at night, sleeping next to an empty space where Tyler should be. _Small town boy, small town life, it won't be enough for you. _

She is staying in Mystic Falls, has already accepted her place at the local college. The thought both comforts her and terrifies her at the same time. She wants him to be wrong, and she wants him to be right at the same time. When she was human, she was convinced that she was too big for this town. She loved it, it was her home, but she had dreams and aspirations bigger than this town, bigger than Georgia. She loves Tyler, she always will, even if she is keeping her promise to him to live a full and happy live. They will find a way, one day, though, so she wants Klaus to be wrong about him not being enough. She wants him to be right about Mystic Falls. The truth be told she is afraid to leave. The idea of being alone, being away from her friends and the safety net they create is scarier than anything she has faced.

She knows the time will come, and soon, that she will have to leave her home. She won't be able to return for decades, until everyone that might recognise her is dead, so why would she rush that? Why would she leave before she has to? She thinks a part of him understood that. She's not ready to leave. She's not ready for all of the things he promised to show her. She's not ready to be like him, despite his certainty that they are the same. She's not entirely sure if she will ever be ready for it to be him. She wants it to be Tyler.

All of them have fought so long and hard to get to where they are. And yes, there is still drama because with their friends, when is there not? But despite the past few months, despite Klaus, and despite Tyler's exile, they have pulled through. They have survived. And she's happy. She is. It's just, when she allows herself to, which is hardly never, she wishes Klaus had said goodbye.

She hears through the grapevine that he's in New Orleans. It sends a flutter through her to know he is so close. She ignores the little voice in the back of her mind, that sounds suspiciously like him, telling her that it's less than a day's drive. It's a few weeks into summer when she finds out, and that night she slips out of bed and steps onto the porch, breathing in the heavy, warm, Virginia summer air. She finds herself walking to the Lockwood mansion, abandoned now, empty and cold and so devoid of Tyler and of comfort. She wonders where he is, she curses Klaus for making him run, she aches when she thinks of how Klaus had considered his actions a kindness, of how that kindness was for her. She aches even more when she admits to herself that he was right.

She hates him for having gotten into her head the way he has. She thinks about him more now that he's gone than when he were here and offering himself to her, asking her to take a chance on him, daring her to get to know him.

No one else misses him. They all said when he left that he was someone else's problem now, they rejoiced. She bit her lip, because despite the two months that have passed since he left, she still thinks about him, and has no one in the world she can admit it to. She doesn't _miss _him. She's just very aware that he's gone. She hopes he's doing well, she hopes he's being the man she knows he can be, and not the villain he professes to be.

She doesn't even know why she cares, or why she is out here in the middle of the night thinking about him. After so long without a word, she's beginning to doubt herself. Beginning to doubt him. He had told her they were the same, the scary part is that in her darker moments, she knows it to be true. She couldn't admit to it though, in the end, when it mattered. Watching her friends struggle in the wake of the cure debacle, watching Elena mourn Jeremy, she could never tell them what she knew to be true, deep inside. And it hurts that maybe in the end, he had seen right through her bravado and snark and realised she wasn't anything special. That she was a coward, afraid to show her true colours. Maybe he had realised she wasn't worth the effort. It stings.

College starts, and she throws herself into it with the same enthusiasm she has shown everything her entire life. She is determined to be the perfect college freshman. She wants to make some friends that aren't part of her supernatural life. She wants to go to parties, take interesting lectures and to spread her wings a little in a safe environment. Find out who she is other than a vampire. As a freshman she doesn't have to choose a major and so instead fills her days with different electives, still trying to figure it all out.

She chooses history out of a sense of irony. If she's going to live forever, she should probably have an appreciation for the subject. She gets a kick out of the fact that half of the people she knows have lived through the events she studies, and when her professor remarks on one of her papers that she has an interesting perspective she outright laughs and shows up on Stefan's doorstep with a bottle of bourbon as a thank you.

Music is an easy choice for her to make. She loves to sing, though she still is mildly embarrassed when she remembers her very public gesture to Matt. She never has been quite able to listen to The Bangles the same way ever again.

When she is at the boarding house one day, talking about her Art History class with Elena, Damon remarks "That's got to be the most boring subject ever," and she scoffs and brushes it off saying she wouldn't expect him to appreciate something cultured.

For one of her assignments she must choose a museum and examine the collections housed there, commenting on the range of artists, time periods and noteable works. When she chooses the Hermitage, she's glad that no one but her knows why. She contacts the museum, and they send her all of the information she could need, complete with photos of all of their pieces.

She spends two hours staring at the picture of Klaus' landscape – it's dark, desolate and stunningly beautiful, filled with shades of grey and blue. It haunts her nearly as much as its creator still does.

By Christmas, she's acing her classes, has made a bunch of friends and everything is going right. She's been mostly kept out of the Supernatural drama that seems to plague Elena wherever she goes, and she is only a little bit bitter to realise that it's because as much as she loves her friends, they don't really have much use for her without Klaus around to distract. It's a bitter pill to swallow that even as a vampire, they still leave her out of the big stuff.

Elijah comes to town for some top secret vampire business that Caroline only gets snippets of, but what she does learn is that Elijah is in New Orleans too, and that he is working against his brother – not out of malice but in an effort to help him find some sort of redemption.

Caroline knows Klaus did not leave Mystic Falls happily. Knows he's facing a challenge in New Orleans, has heard whispers about a plot against him. She knows Elijah is doing what he thinks is best out of love for his brother. But she can't help but feel like Klaus isn't as hopeless a case as they all seem to think. She has seen his humanity. She knows it exists.

She hadn't lied the night she told Klaus that she had caught herself wishing she could forget everything he'd done. She knew now that she couldn't. She would never condone his actions, that much she knew. But she owed him enough to at least try and understand them.

She and Elijah share a moment, before he returns to Louisiana, where most of the conversation is held in silence. He approaches her on campus, she's with her friends, and Elijah seems surprised, but pleased to see her in other company.

"I thought I would come and say goodbye before I left," he smiles, kindly.

She steps a little away from Megan and Taylor, though not far.

"You didn't have to do that," she says, "but thank you." It's for more than the goodbye, and he knows it.

"It is more than my brother gave you, and less than you deserve. Really, it's I who should be thanking you. You started all of this."

She frowns, not sure how to feel about that. She really isn't sure she wants the job of being Klaus' link to humanity. Elijah seems to pick up on her hesitance.

"I apologise. I know it's not like that for you, but it is a good thing, Caroline, for him."

"How is he?" she asks, her voice soft, suddenly, afraid of the answer. She is very aware of her friends, watching this interaction with far too much interest. Elijah too, seems reluctant to say much.

"He's...Klaus," Elijah replies after a beat. It doesn't help Caroline at all. There are at least a hundred different versions of Klaus, but before she can say anything Elijah continues. "He thinks of you often."

He doesn't allow her to reply, for which she is grateful. She isn't sure what she would say. He nods at her and walks to his car. Megan and Taylor approach her, and Taylor immediately asks her why she knows so many attractive men and why isn't she sharing?

It does the trick, and snaps Caroline out of her reverie long enough to muse to herself that Taylor probably wouldn't like to know that her eye candy was a thousand year old vampire. Her life, seriously.

Christmas break lasts nearly until the end of January. Normally Caroline would be celebrating such a long break from school, but with most of her college friends out of town and Elena caught up in another Salvatore brother drama, her social calendar isn't looking too exciting. She's starting to get cabin fever in her house, her mom has been pulling a double and she hasn't heard another voice in nearly a full twenty four hours. Grabbing her coat, she walks out the door and begins to aimlessly wander. She'd stopped visiting the Lockwood mansion a long time ago. It hurts too much to know it's owner won't be coming home.

She finds herself outside the Mikaelson home, and thinks ruefully that her destination should probably surprise her more than it does. Ever since her conversation with Elijah in December, she's had a hard time keeping her mind off his brother. Wondering how he is, if he's okay, if he really does think of her.

She lets herself in, and is sad to see the place exactly as she remembers it from visits here in the weeks before Klaus left. Everything is the same, beautiful and grand, and sad – built for a family that would never be together again. Built for a family that would never heal. It seems that Klaus left in a hurry, which makes her sadder again. His closet is still filled with clothes, his bookcases overflowing with ancient tomes. A half finished painting still stands on an easel. It's not as sad as his other works. When she opens his sketchbook and finds a drawing of herself, her heart breaks.

It's beautiful, the picture. Filled with so much care and detail. She's asleep in tangled sheets, her hair framing her face. She's beautiful. She remembers the last time she was in this room, remembers every second of it. She never knew he'd drawn it.

Sitting on the bed, sketchpad in hand, she stares at the picture for an hour, trying in vain to figure out her feelings for its creator.

Finally, needing to get out of the house, she calls Elena and demands girl time. She figures that if anyone can understand, it should be her friend.

Elena meets her at the Grill and shows enough restraint to wait until the waitress sets their coffees in front of them before she looks quizzically at her friend.

"What's going on, Caroline?"

"I wanted to ask you something, actually."

She's stalling and she knows it. She gave Elena such a hard time for falling for Damon, and now here she is, with Klaus on her mind everywhere she turns.

"Sure, is everything okay?" Elena asks, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Fine. I just," Caroline pauses, not sure how to continue. "Do you remember when you were so in love with Stefan, and I accused you of being attracted to Damon?"

Elena sits back in her chair, a worried crease forming between her eyebrows.

"Of course. I told you I couldn't let myself admit my attraction to him. Caroline, what's going on?"

"I just. I've been thinking lately that I gave you a really hard time about Damon, and I know I have my own reasons for not liking him, but I was wondering about your feelings for him."

"What about them?"

"How do you reconcile the man you see him to be, with the man who hurt me, who killed Jeremy and so many others. He's done so many bad things Elena, but you have always been able to forgive him, and I want to know why."

Elena looks confused at the direction that the conversation has taken, before looking down at her coffee for a long moment and then directly at Caroline.

"I know what he did to you was wrong. And I hated him for that, for everything he has done but Caroline you have to understand that despite his many, many flaws, and the mistakes he's made, he's the most selfless person I've ever met. He loved me for so long, and even when I began to love him back, he pushed me towards Stefan. When I was sired to him he was so afraid that my feelings weren't my own. I know that no matter what it does to him, he will always put me first. How can I not love someone like that?"

Caroline is silent for a long time, absorbing what her friend has said, and applying it to herself. Did Klaus lover he selflessly? Her mind drifts back to the night he bit her. He had said to her that saving her would mean victory for Tyler. He'd done it anyway. He'd nearly left it too late, nearly let her die. But in the end, regardless of what it would later cost him, he saved her.

When she doesn't speak for a long time, Elena reaches across the table, touching Caroline's hand, comforting. Caroline looks up, embarrassed that she has spaced out for so long.

"Sorry. Just digesting, I guess."

"You gonna tell me what this is all about?"

She shakes her head, a vehement 'no', but carries on with the conversation instead.

"The selfless way he treats you doesn't make what he has done, though." She makes sure not to sound accusing. She doesn't need Elena to be on the defensive, here. She just needs to understand. Maybe then she can put these feelings for Klaus to rest.

"No," Elena agrees, "it doesn't. But he has let me know him in a way he's never let anyone else know him, and because of that, I can understand why he does the things he does, even when I wish he didn't."

Caroline stirs her coffee, deep in thought once more, and Elena continues.

"I know it's hard to understand, and I don't know why you're bringing this up now, but what it took me a long time to come to terms with was the fact that doing bad things doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes you have to make a choice when your only options are bad ones, and that's what he does every day so that I don't have to. We've all done bad things, horrible things, and we all have blood on our hands. Damon will do whatever it takes to protect the people he loves, and will always see himself as not worthy. He's a lot more vulnerable than he would ever let anyone think."

"I think I get it," is all Caroline says in response.

Later that day, Caroline finds herself on the freeway.


	2. Chapter 2

**To everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited the first chapter of this story, thank you so much. I haven't written anything in years and your feedback has been very encouraging to say the least. **

**The name of this fic is taken from All I Want by Kodaline by the way, and it is a song that I highly reccommend to anyone. **

**As episodes air, I am trying my best to keep this story as canon compliant as possible, but also as vague as possible. **

**So here is chapter two: **

It's a long drive, and with only the radio for company, a lonely one, filled with doubt. It's only when she actually drives past the city limits in the early morning light of the next day that she realises she has no clue how to find him. Or even what she plans on doing if and when she does. She really didn't think this through when she left Mystic Falls and already she's feeling foolish. What did she really hope to achieve by coming here?

Elena had looked at her in the Grill like she wanted to say something. Like she suspected the reason for her sudden interest in Damon. Because Elena was awesome sometimes, however, she didn't and Caroline didn't think she had ever loved her friend more. She really couldn't put any of this into words until she understood it herself and she didn't think she could do that until she saw Klaus. She just had to find him first.

She'd heard some mention of the French Quarter during Elijah's flying visit. She didn't know too much about its relevance, but it was all she had to go on. Calling Stefan, she managed to get the names of a few bars in the area that he and Damon used to frequent, though not without some confusion on his part, and suspicion.

"Do you need any company down there?" he asked, without even knowing why she was there. She was immediately filled with affection for him, he truly was a great friend to her.

"No, I'm fine," she lied, "I was just going crazy at home and felt like an adventure, get out of dodge and all that."

"Why New Orleans though? Thought you'd want to stay as far away from Klaus as possible."

He's fishing, she knows, but he won't push. She knows him well enough to know that.

"That's not what this is about, I just have a lot on my mind, went for a drive and ended up here." It's kind of the truth. A little bit. If she squints and no one compels her. "But now that I'm here, I think I'll stay for a few days. Get out of this funk."

She knows he doesn't believe her. She loves Stefan.

"Okay. As long as you're okay. I'll see you when you get back," he says.

"Talk to you soon."

She's about to hang up when she hears him speak her name, she puts the phone back to her ear and listens.

"Try The Bourbon Room."

He says nothing else.

"Thanks, Stefan," she says, heavy with meaning.

She can tell he's nodding, but he doesn't speak and she hangs up.

The Bourbon Room. Right. She can do this.

She stops the next person she sees and asks for directions.

She grabs a room in a small hotel a couple of streets over. She spends more time pacing up and down her room than any sane person should before grabbing a shower and heading out into the city to explore. Might as well make the most of this insanity and see some of the world. She stubbornly refuses to allow his words from forever ago echo in her mind as she does.

She falls in love with the city immediately. It is so full of colour and history and characters that it is impossible not to. Sticking to the main tourist areas and attractions, she visits St Louis Cathedral, and the French Market before settling for people watching in a little cafe near Jackson Square. She feels invigoarated here. The city is bustling, busy and exciting. She's not being watched by town gossips, or dealing with supernatural drama. There are no nasty reminders of Tyler. There is a buzz in the air and she feels remarkably at home.

She spends a crazy amount of time getting ready back in her hotel. She fusses with her hair and puts on so much mascara she can barely open her eyes, but she is nervous, and being obsessive compulsive about her appearance is apparently how she deals with nerves these days. Later, when she walks into the bar, she can immediately see the appeal of the place for a man like him. There is a classy, old world charm to the place. It has character. Soft jazz music plays in the background, and she remembers him talking passionately about the '20's. She pictures girls in flapper dresses and ruby red lipstick and men in tuxedoes. He was right, she would have loved it.

A quick scan of the bar as she walks through the room tells her that he isn't there. She fights the disappointment that threatens in the pit of her stomach and tells herself it's still early. She sits at the bar and orders a bourbon, neat. It feels appropriate.

After an hour, she's only had two drinks and is feeling more foolish than ever for coming down here and just expecting to find him. She tells herself she'll have one more before calling it a night and forgetting this bout of temporary insanity.

Twenty minutes later, she's draining her glass and standing up from her barstool, grabbing her bag and turning around when she's greeted with a familiar voice.

"Hello, love."

She finishes turning and is met with the sight of him standing in front of her, a black coat, white, open collared shirt and trademark necklace. He looks like sin personified. It was always safe to say that attraction would never have been an issue for them.

He's smiling at her in that way that's half genuine and half smirk, like he's laughing at some private joke.

"Hi," is just about all she manages to get out, her voice breathier than she would have liked.

"Going somewhere?" he asks, a full blown smirk this time.

She steels herself before answering, not even sure until the words come out of her mouth what she plans on saying.

"I was getting bored," she goes with, as if she visits this bar every day.

He gestures at the bar stool she just vacated, and she turns back and retakes her seat. He joins her, his face not showing any shock or even surprise.

"What brings you to New Orleans, Caroline?"

"If you're going to ask tough questions I'm going to need a drink."

He smirks.

"Well I know champagne is our _thing_," he gestures to the barman before he continues, "but this isn't really a champagne kind of a bar, so maybe you'll accept another bourbon instead?"

She smiles. Regardless of anything else, he was always quite charming.

The barman places two glasses in front of them and when Klaus nods, he simply places the bottle in front of them and walks away.

"I take it the staff here aren't on vervain?" she muses.

"I honestly don't know," he smiles sardonically, "yet strangely I've never had to pay for a drink here."

She rolls her eyes and they sit in silence as they take the first sips of their drinks. He openly stares at her and she feels compelled to fidget under such scrutiny but manages to restrain herself. She doesn't want to appear any more eager or nervous than she already has.

"You look good," he tells her finally, "college life agrees with you."

"Thank you," she replies. She can tell the compliment is genuine.

"What are you studying?" he asks, though she is sure Elijah has probably told him.

"History, music, art history. I saw your painting. The one in the Hermitage."

The smirk is slow to form this time, she can tell he is relishing the information he has just received. She's given too much away, she realises.

"Did you now? I didn't really think they would cover Russian galleries ahead of the French and Italian masters in your freshman year. But then it's been a few hundred years, maybe college has changed."

"We had an assignment. I studied the Hermitage. Don't read more into it."

He laughs and god, but something loosens in her chest at it. She hadn't realised how much she enjoyed his teasing.

"I wouldn't dream of it, love."

She changes tack.

"I saw Elijah last month. He was in Mystic Falls for a few days."

His face clouds over.

"Ah yes, my dear brother. Let's not spoil the happy surprise of you being here by talking about that."

"What's going on here, Klaus?" she pushes.

"I have a long history in New Orleans, Caroline. I'll tell you about it some day, perhaps. But for tonight suffice to say some old enemies are looking to make life difficult for me."

She nods.

"You're safe though? You're not going to be killed any time soon?"

His gaze softens when he looks at her this time.

"Careful, sweetheart. Anyone would think that you care."

She shifts uncomfortably in her seat, not able to say the words out loud. She's here. Shouldn't that tell him enough?

"Klaus..."

"Relax. I won't make you say something you can't. I'm glad you're here."

It should scare her, how well he reads her. It did once, when he could look at her and know the shameful things she kept from her friends. When he could look at her and know in an instant how to get past her defenses.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" she asks, finally. After six months of wondering, she has finally asked the question.

"Why are you in New Orleans?" he replies.

"That's not an answer."

He smiles wistfully at her and repeats words that feel like they were said in another lifetime.

"Perhaps one day, in a year, or even a century..."

The words startle her. That's not why she's here.

"I'm only here for tonight," she says instead of being so blunt. She's getting tired of seeing hurt in his eyes over her.

"So why come at all?"

"I don't know," she all but whispers. "I don't know why I'm here."

He smiles that secret smile he has, the one that she knows means he knows something she doesn't, and she dreads to think what must be going through his head.

"Have you ever been to the French Quarter?" he asks, clearly dropping the subject for now. She's grateful.

"No," she shakes her head, "I told you, I've never really been anywhere."

She empties her glass as he stands up.

"I seem to remember promising to show you the world. We'll start with one of its greatest cities."

He holds out his hand to her, his eyes showing a glimmer of hope and a touch of a challenge. He's daring her once again to take a chance on him. She reaches up and takes his hand, follows him out into the night.

Three hours later and Caroline has been shown the hidden side of the French Quarter, the side the tourists don't see. Klaus has proven himself to be an excellent tour guide, and a perfect gentleman. She's frustrated by both facts. She came here to get him out of her system, instead she finds him charming, funny, intelligent and is intrigued by him in a million new ways. He tells her about his past in the city, about how he helped build it. He takes her to a bar playing Zydeco music, which she loves. They go down dark, non descript alleyways to show her old buildings, and interesting stores filled with colourful bric-a-brack. In one such store, she falls in love with an antique music box. It plays a sweet melody, when opened, and she stares, mesmerized by the tiny ballerina spinning around.

Seeing the price, she smiles ruefully and puts it back, not saying a word. Klaus is standing behind her, staring at her as she stares at the music box. Equally as fascinated. She should feel uncomfortable, she tells herself, but instead she just smiles. She's never had someone pay her this intense level of attention before, and she likes it.

"It's beautiful," she says, indicating the box, saying it to break the moment, more than anything.

"Let me buy it for you. A memento of your first city on a long list."

She blushes and looks down.

"Thank you, but I can't. You've given me far too many expensive gifts already."

He smirks.

"If I remember correctly, you returned one rather forcefully, so I don't think that counts."

She blushes. She wonders at how rude to him she used to be. It was justified, she knows, but she still can't reconcile their previous relationship with this moment, standing in a cramped antique store, in the middle of the night, enjoying his attention, seeking it out even.

"We should get going. It's nearly midnight. I'm sure this lady needs to shut up shop at some point."

Klaus rolls his eyes but concedes and leads her back out onto the street.

"This city comes alive at night time, Caroline. Many shops will stay open half the night. This town was built by vampires, after all."

She turns to him in the alley, still so fascinated by his history with, and obvious love for, New Orleans.

"I want to see more. Take me to your favourite place?"

He takes it for what it is, she knows. She isn't just asking to see more of New Orleans, but more of him. She's giving him an in. Getting to know him.


End file.
